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When and How to Forgive in Relationships

To forgive costs nothing.

Forgiveness is probably one of the most underrated virtues of life. No one gives it its due importance and when you hear somebody forgiving someone, it’s never as big a deal as it should be. Well, the truth is that if you want to get through life and its various aspects, forgiveness is key. Of all the things, when it comes to relationships, (and by relationships we don’t just mean the one with your partner, but relationships in general, like with your colleagues, your friends, your boss, etc.), the importance of the ability to forgive cannot be overlooked. When you play the blame game or hold a grudge the wound remains open, but when you decide to forgive and let it go, you heal on your own. And since it’s always better to hold a tune than a grudge, here are a few tips on when and how you should forgive in relationships.

Think of the Outcome

Many times, during the heat of the moment, we tend to let our emotions cloud better judgement. In situations like this, it’s best to take a deep breath, clear your mind and think of the final outcome. Is holding a grudge going to make it better for the both of you or is letting it go going to bring you the peace of mind that you’re looking for. When you start thinking of the outcome and the possible consequences, you’ll see that figuring out when and how to forgive will become much easier.

Look for the good & accept

When things start to get a little negative, the best way to counter it with is a positive force. The moment you realize that your relationship is going through a rough patch, instead of focusing on the things that went wrong, you should turn your attention to why you are with this person in the first place. Think of all the positive attributes and always remind yourself that no one is perfect, which means that at any given point of time, you have to make room for mistakes.

Contextualize the Problem

Everything needs an anchor, a sturdy set of roots that keeps the said object firmly grounded. Whether you chose to call this perspective or a harsh reality check, it is what is required during trying times to ensure that you don’t make any rash decisions. Contextualizing the problem and trying to find out what started the tussle in the first place can come very handy when you’re trying to forgive in a relationship. Communication and contextualization are the two C’s that you must keep in mind to figure out when and how to forgive in relationships.

The Other Side of the Coin

Just like you can’t clap with one hand, a coin always has two sides and when you’re in a relationship, this is perhaps the best thing you can go by. Before leaping to conclusions and making a snap judgement, when the going gets tough take a few seconds to analyse the other side as well. Relationships need work and it’s not always an easy ride. Be your partners best friend, understand what set him / her off at the first place, acknowledge the fact that no one is perfect and always, always consider the other side before acting or reacting to the problem at hand.

Let It go

Last but not the least, learn to let it go! Yes, definitely something that’s easier said than done, but like they say practice makes perfect and once you make this practice perfect, you’ll see that forgiving (and living life in general) becomes much simpler. While this becomes a double edged sword, especially when a person you love is in the question (as when they upset you it hurts more and when they make you feel happy, you experience euphoria unbound), building forgiveness into your relationship is step one when it comes to the cardinal rules that you have to follow.

Even though it might take some time to forget, you should never think twice about forgiving!

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